Mar 30, 2012

Jokes for Holy Humor Sunday

Here’s an assortment of jokes for Holy Humor Sunday (the first Sunday after Easter). 

How many evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but the bulb must repent of its darkness and be willing to be changed.

How many liberals does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten, but they will need to debate whether or not the bulb actually exists. Even then they still may not change it, for fear of alienating those who use florescent bulbs.

How many Presbyterians does it take to change a light bulb?
None. God has predestined when the lights will be on and off.

How many Mennonites does it take to change a light bulb?
One hundred and sixty: 40 people in the light bulb selection committee; 40 people in the light bulb purchasing committee; 40 people in the light socket location committee, and 40 people in the electricity modulator committee.

How many Roman Catholics does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They use candles.

How many Pentecostals does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten: one to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the darkness.

How many Charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?
Three: one to cast it out, and two more to catch it as it falls. 
Alternate answer: Only one: hands were already in the air.

How many Baptists does it take to change a light bulb?
At least 15. One to change the light bulb, and two or three committees to approve the change. Oh, and also one to provide a casserole.

How many Independent Baptists does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, because any more than that would be Ecumenicalism.

How many Nazarenes does it take to change a light bulb?
Six:  One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.

How many Anglicans/Episcopalians does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one to talk about how much better the old one was.

How many Methodists does it take to change a light bulb?
Undetermined.  Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved.  You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb.  Bring a bulb of your choices to the Sunday lighting service and a covered dish to pass.

How many Mormons does it take to change a light bulb?
Five. One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.

How many Unitarians does it take to change a light bulb?
We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship with your light bulb, and present it next month at our annual Light Bulb Sunday Service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.

How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?
One.  But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.

How many Amish does it take to change a light bulb?
What's a light bulb??

How many guitar-playing worship leaders does it take to change a light bulb?
One.  But soon all those around can warm up to its glowing.

— from various online sources.

For more worship resources for Holy Humor Sunday, click on Laughter / Holy Humor Sunday in the list of “Labels” at the lower right side of the page.